The Weird Role Reversal
Encouragement while caring for elderly parents . . .
Hello Dear Readers,
My thoughts are on my friends (and any of you out there whom I haven’t met in person) who are caring for elderly parents. Because my dad passed away in 2001 after a 19-month battle with cancer and Mom passed in 2020 after a three-year health struggle plus dementia, I walked that road and empathize with all who are currently trying to find their way down that emotionally and physically difficult path. So I jotted down these thoughts that I hope bring encouragement and hope. You may read more of the story about Mom here.
Being the caregiver for our folks, especially those with dementia, is a weird role reversal. It requires doing what's best for them even though sometimes they don't like it—much like parenting children except the dynamic is all upside down. And, not only must you step in to this new role, but you must also learn who this new version of your parent is while honoring the one you used to know. It is remembering, letting go, and learning, all wrapped up in a gift of love and sacrifice from you and to you.
It is a beautiful gift, but a package containing the unknowns of erratic bouts of anger and sadness, frustrations with memory issues, and grief over what has been lost—felt by both you and your parent. The fact is, you are both grieving. It is hard. And “hard” is an understatement.
But be assured that through God's grace for each moment, wisdom for each circumstance, and strength for each day, you will come to the end of your journey and look back in astonishment at what you were able to walk through. You will see God’s faithfulness to carry and strengthen in all the moments on all the days, in every struggle and setback. You will also see His hand in the glimpses of joy and in the cherished flashbacks when you beheld a glimmer of the person they used to be. And you will remember with gratefulness how the Lord fashioned a sweet companionship with who they had become.
For now, count today as a gift. Hold their hands while you can. Enjoy the moments while you have them, for one day Jesus will lead His dear one home and the moments will be memories. Treasured, priceless, irreplaceable memories. The kind with no regrets. The kind that are gifts from the Father.
Some may think the next photo is morbid, but I count it as a treasure. Standing with his arm around me is one of my brothers who lived out of town but helped as much as he could. He (along with three other siblings) always supported me, including helping me to stay sane through all the legal challenges and care decisions. Since he is not one to express much emotion or affection except for the kind that drips out of his eyes occasionally, that is even more reason to cherish this photo as we honored the image of Mom while knowing she was not there. This moment only marked the end of her journey here with us. And I am so grateful I had the privilege of joining her on that journey for 57 years, for knowing her, and for spending her last years and days with her.
You were tired out by the length of your road,
Yet you did not say, ‘It is hopeless.’
You found renewed strength,
Therefore you did not faint.
— Isaiah 57:10 NAS
Hang in there. And hang on to the Lord. He will carry you and bless your kindness and compassion.
Blessings and prayers,
Janice
Thank you for sharing! You’re beautiful! I’ve walked this journey with my husband. I thank God for him and look forward to seeing him whole and perfect in Heaven.
Oh beautiful encouragement, Dear Friend!